Sacrifice – Blame – Drain

Not all my stories are nice. There are days I wish I hadn’t gone to work, wondering why on Earth I wasn’t with a local health center, churning out prescriptions. Then I usually take a deep breath, thankful I wasn’t, and move on. Today, I’ve said to a young woman:

  • You are selfish and angry, angry at others, blaming them and holding grudges. Do you really expect to feel better?
  • That’s not true! I’m the one making sacrifices. I don’t have a life any more. They drain all my energy, and take advantage of me; they are the reason I got sick.
  • Still, you are selfish, insisting to have it your way at all times.
  • You don’t have a clue.

This was a watershed moment, when nuances would decide. Would she just stand up and leave? Or just decide to jog along? Here’s another sad ending, leaving me exhausted and with a karmic debt on my hands, as with her distrust she’s taking away my energy, dragging me down with her.

  • Madam, it’s a wrong way of living your life…
  • That’s not true! – she stopped me mid-sentence.
  • If you do everything right, how come you are sick now? If you are right, how come that peace, serenity and balance in your life have been replaced with sickness, unease and anxiety? If your system works, how come you have decided to ask for help? Why are you here?

Silence. Then tears, and a question:

  • Has my ego grown so big that I think I’m right even when I’m not?

She’s so lucky, catching on so fast. She chose a more difficult path, off the beaten track, refusing to follow the line of least resistance. In the face of the truth, we would rather deny it, because it’s easier that way. Others are to blame, it’s never us.

This young woman was born with a high energy potential and a pure soul. As if made to be corrupted in this world – the greater the potential, the more frequent and greater the challenges. She had chosen to be born to a family lower down the social scale. She should have been aware of the difference, learning how to cope with lower energies, but failed. Yet their position was quite comfortable – they were using her kindness. She was giving herself up to her family, “sacrificing herself” as she put it, and they simply got used to it. It’s a family though, and the closest are the hardest to handle. They constantly drained her energy, and she was growing weary of well-doing. She made decisions for them, adding to the burden she had been shouldering already and expanding the feelings of guilt, until it all worn her down completely. All she could do was to complain constantly, shift the blame to others and defend herself with the status of a victim. The enormous energy potential was still there though, subconsciously charging for the sacrifice. When we give ourselves more than our natural limits permit, a vacuum opens in our energy system, sucking in everything we have given, and more.

Along these same lines, a mother came to me for counseling, complaining about her children – healthy and bright, but apathetic and indifferent. In tears, she uttered the key sentence:

  • I gave them everything, I sacrificed myself for them, gave up my own life, and this is how they repay me. They are lazy, detached and indifferent to everything around them. I just need to explain to them what they should do, and what’s good for them.

My reaction was quite spontaneous:

  • If you want to prove something to someone, it means you live for them, crippling them, too. If you live for yourself, there’s no need to prove anything to anyone. That’s precisely how you’re helping them!

We are not alone in this world. By “sacrificing” herself, this woman was pushing herself to the limit. Every system, including hers, requires a balance, as the only way to survive. Having devoted herself to her children completely, she had no other source of balance but her children. When she went to sleep, she would suck back the energy she had given to her children, and the vacuum of discontent would draw even more. The next day the children would live their passive lives, and her discontent would only expand. The vicious circle of sacrifice, blame and drain, continues as well.

Let’s get back to the young woman in my office. Unable to change anything, she’s denying her role in the vicious circle. She has sacrificed everything, blaming others and exhausting herself, but subconsciously making others pay for it. The alarm goes off. The existence of her soul is in question. The universe is sending the first sign to tell her she’s wrong. The energy status is now affecting her body. Drained of energy, yet still holding grudge, she’s depleted her core, the skeleton. Hers was a severe case of osteoporosis, decreasing bone density. Having dismissed the warning, she keeps on blaming everyone, until the throat chakra is off balance, resulting in thyroid and parathyroid adenoma. Doctors can’t identify the cause, they are confused, offering completely different diagnoses. She keeps sinking, deeper and deeper.

I had to stop her, and was deliberately tough on her. Her cries and accusations, the alleged mistakes on my part and her self-defence, are all part of one single cycle of pathological behavior. It’s only with compassion and positive energy that the circle can be reversed. I stood up and gave her a friendly hug. She was sarcastic, saying that I shouldn’t hug a bad person, but I kept encouraging her:

  • This is not your night. This is not your end! This is the dawn of your day. You just need to be an early bird. If you were a bad person, you would have been just fine, surrounded by the corresponding energy. You feel bad instead, and it’s a clear sign that your good, pure soul is in pain, screaming. You have placed it in an unfamiliar setting. Get out of there, that’s not your home.
  • But how? – she wept.
  • It’s easy. First, you must learn how to be positively selfish. You need to love yourself, and your soul, because it is the only way you can actually love others. You must respect them and their karmas. They have to live the lives they have chosen, and you must never cross the line and let them take advantage of you. It’s perfectly all right to encourage them from your positive haven, and to help them, keeping your boundaries in mind all the time. You are allowed to understand them, but not to feel sorry for them. Everyone has lessons to learn. If you want to help a beggar, teach him how to earn a living. Encourage him with sympathy and understanding, never judge; he needs to invest his own energy to save his soul. Thus he grows, otherwise he’d rot, together with you, as your support involves you in the process. Support others, but protect yourself!
  • I do not want to be like them. I don’t want to be evil, she said as she broke into tears.
  • Try to find something beautiful within. Forget about them. When they can’t say anything good about themselves, people tend to speak ill about others, to get it out of their system.
  • What should I do? Is this depression?
  • Stop blaming others for everything, to start with. Turn to your kind soul instead. Help yourself to help others. Depression is not bad, it’s a condition giving you a chance to look inside yourself honestly.
  • They do not love me.
  • If you feel good about yourself, why do you care what other people think? Forget the excuses, get to know yourself better. If you want to meet your worst enemy, look in the mirror. Defeat that one, and the others will run away.

We exchanged our fond goodbyes, and I hope she’ll come back. She needs to fight for herself. This life is so peculiar, and that makes it beautiful. No one’s born knowing everything; we all learn how to live a life.

9 thoughts on “Sacrifice – Blame – Drain

  1. Teško, veoma teško,… – odoleti, preći, izdržati,…
    Ali,.. drugačije je kada znamo da nismo jedini, … -moguće je podići se..
    Hvala što nam prikazuješ slike koje još samo nismo ugledali i osetili.
    Ili smo se, na sreću, na vreme, prepoznali,….Hvala, ti Žarko….

  2. Dragi Zarko , hvala ti na ovim cetvrtak – pricicama ,
    Tako su divne i poucne
    🙂
    Saljem ti sunčane , tople pozdrave iz Dk
    Branka

  3. Hvala Zarko sto sa nama delis zivotne mudrosti, nadahnuce i pozitivnu energiju. Tekstove tvoje citam uz jutarnju kafu ili caj, pomazu mi da svoj dan prozivim na najbolji moguci nacin, za sebe i za druge..divan si i hvala jos jednom na blogu!

  4. Divan tekst !! Najteze je suociti se sa sobom ali kao sto kazes zivot je cudo i treba se boriti, opstati i uzivati u njemu! Hvala ti beskrajno na podrsci!

  5. Neznam koliko sam puta onako pojedinacno procitao delove ovoga teksta izrecene kao mudrosti i eto procitas pa nista..Ovoga puta to deluje sasvim drugacije jer je sve nekako povezano ,cisto i jasno,,iskreno pronasao sam sebe,shvatio hde je greska jer sam isti slucaj kao gospodja koja se neizmerno daje jer mislim da se treba pomagati ali sam gresku tek sada shvatio,,znaci ipak nemozemo ziveti i svoj i tudji zivot,,,

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