Should I Forgive?

People can stay angry for a long time. For a long time after, too, they may find it very difficult to shake off the anxiety they feel when something reminds them of the person they are angry at. How long do you stay angry?

Every time I see her, my day is ruined! It was a bad breakup, and anything that has to do with her can throw me off the track. I’ve thrown away everything that can possibly remind me of her. I no longer go to the places we used to visit together, because every thought of her makes me mad. Why can’t I stop being angry at her? I left her, it wasn’t the other way round, a young man asked me in a lecture about relationships.

Any contact with my in-laws makes me absolutely mad. Every time I meet any of them, they pick on me for one reason or another – a woman spoke up, as if on cue.

People around us are our mirrors. When we came into this life, we chose the lessons to be learned. More precisely, you chose to know yourself better, by way of projection. The people around you, the people close to you, are your own reflection. It is through relationships that you learn your life lessons. Some relationships may end gracefully, and people go their separate ways with no hard feelings, but others end with angry words. Either may happen in a breakup, or a temporary split, until you meet again.

A relationship ends when both persons learn everything they are supposed to learn. If it ends, but both say their goodbyes in anger, they haven’t learned their lessons, and the relationship is not effectively over. The same lessons will be there for you to learn every time you meet that person, or their metaphorical representation. Here’s why it’s exhausting:

You don’t argue with another person, but rather with yourself.


Why would I forgive her if it’s not my fault? She made a mistake, not me – the young man insisted.

That’s exactly where the answer lies! When you don’t want to forgive someone for having hurt you in the past, you actually maintain an energy connection with them. What’s worse, you missed an opportunity to learn and let go, and your energy will attract a very similar person, to establish a similar energy connection, which might be another opportunity to learn your lesson. Digging your heals in will only aggravate the problem you actually need to solve.

This is also a reason why some people constantly come across the same partners.

So true, a girl from the audience jumped in, I’ve always been a magnet for idiots. Always the same men in my life, and the same problems with them. I’ve clearly missed my lesson!

What am I supposed to do? I can’t avoid my in-lows forever, it’s a huge family. And I can’t simply run away, can I? They are so annoying, so intimate with each other… It’s absolutely irritating. I only see my parents on major holidays, even though they keep nagging, asking for more visits. I am trying to protect him, to avoid awkward situations, even though he says he doesn’t mind. He simply can’t understand, and protect me from his family, too!


As soon as you realise what the universe is telling you, and why it’s precisely those people helping you to learn your lesson, your relationships will calm down, and you won’t have a single awkward situation with them.

Have you heard yourself? Perhaps, that’s your message: the relationship with the people close to you is not a technicality, or something you need to deal with “on major holidays.” Your parents suffer, and your excuse is that you are trying to protect your husband. If he didn’t want the in-laws around, he wouldn’t be so close to his own family either. You are selfish and self-centered! That’s why you always have one and the same lesson to learn. Think about it, alone.

By forgiving you learn your lesson. It’s only when you forgive that you can see your relationship for what it truly is.

I remember a very charming lady, who came to me with multiple problems, but all related to the people around her. I told her to put them aside for a moment, and work on herself. She relaxed a little, opening up, determined to find her own peace and clearly accepting my advice as to how to live her life, and then just stopped coming. I called her.

I’ve decided not to come to you again, because there’s no progress. I did everything you told me to do. Personally, I feel good, but everything else is the same….

What about the relationships with the people close to you?

Well, they did change… Spontaneously. My mother-in-law has calmed down. Remember that police had to come to break up fights between the two of us? She is a completely different person now, making me coffee, even winter preserves for me – I’ve no idea what happened to her! I’m afraid she might be up to something. My husband’s stopped gambling, too. Always at home… I can’t but wonder what he did wrong. The kid’s improved grades… You know that storm in the office? Well, it’s over, I didn’t get sacked, and was even transferred to a better-paid job…

Nothing has changed, you say?

What does it have to do with anything? They changed, I didn’t tell them what to do…I didn’t do anything at all!

Everything is within us! If we work on ourselves, we change from within, changing the world around us, too. It’s only a forgiveness that can sever the thread tying us to an exhausting relationship. Untie the millstone around your neck, and keep living your life in peace and serenity. You are capable of receiving all the blessings intended for you. Who on earth would chose deliberately to be imprisoned and tortured forever?