Statistics say that on average every third person has cheated on a partner at least once by having sex with someone else.
Cheating was the topic of a conversation with an acquaintance who told me the story of a betrayed friend cheated on by her husband.
Why should she forgive her husband? He fooled her anyway. We agree that adultery is “bad” and dirty. Or are we now doing relativization of everything?- asked the lady who caught her husband flirting.
Once, a passionate older woman who had everything in her life – beautiful, had a good job, a comfortable life, a rich husband who loved her – told me: “I was faithful to him for better, for worse and in someone else’s bed.” She had more successful marriage than the one who turned into a rag and who annulled herself by constantly tweaking her husband. Can you believe my word that the husband of the latter did not appreciate it while the husband of the former treated his wife like dew in the palm. If your husband has had a bad day, is full of anger and needs a valve, would you prefer to vent that anger in harmless flirting and get home relieved, or bring you bad energy and throw you away?
You’re relativizing everything now!
Try to think of the quality, its flexibility and fluidity – as opposed to the rigidity, limitations and sheer amount of marriage to which cold routines have removed the heat of emotion.
How, then, will we know what is right and how to pass the exam in the school of life? So, I can afford to cheat if I am in crisis with my husband right now, because it is better to “relieve myself” and get home in the mood than to be angry?
Of course not! The essence is much more subtle and needs to be recognized when it appears. If your style is to sleep around when you are unhappy, it’s promiscuous! If, in a major crisis, when negative energy destroys you and looks for a target where it will spill out and you do not have an adequate partner for it because you are occupied with your problems – letting the valve flirt with someone else can save your relationship. The point is that nothing is either black or white and that the same action in some situations may be an adequate answer, and in the other, a drop in the exam.
And what about that lady you mentioned was faithful in someone else’s bed. How is it possible?
Don’t take things around literally. That was figuratively said. She only knew the priorities in her life very well. She knew exactly why, what and where. Looking at her marriage, her husband came first and no one else could fill that position. Everything that was going on in her emotional life was in the positions below and aimed at relieving, shifting the focus of the crisis and balancing energy. She only brought smile, joy and love into her marriage, while releasing other negative aspects of emotional life beyond her oasis of love. Do you mind her in the way?
How can I achieve this?
The key is to keep your mind flexible. Don’t be stiff and numb in the defined roles of “respectable lady” or “university professor.” Remember the story of the Egyptian pyramids from school, for someone from the tomb to enter the treasure room, he had to kneel and thus go crawling through a tunnel with a vault down. Keep that picture in your head. In order to get to the treasure room, you have to be ready to bend your head, to escape through a narrow opening and to crawl through a low tunnel. This is what life sometimes demands of us. If you are stuck in what you think a “respectable lady” has to do or that a “university professor” can’t accept, you will never get out of crisis. If you remain stuck because of your proud ego, stuck in the notion of what is right and moral, you will suffer forever.
How to distinguish a love crisis from an end?
It is up to you to do your best and, in the given situation, feel neither condemnation nor anger or any form of tension. If, in such circumstances, something goes out of your life, then know that it has expired. It doesn’t have to be bad and not bad at all. Imagine that Life / Universe / God, whatever, has sent you to a driving school to learn how to drive a truck, because it knows you have to travel thousands of miles through some beautiful corners of the globe, consuming the needy neighbourhoods, making people happy and making thousands of dollars. Life, that is, a driving school, after a lot of your effort, says – you laid down, now you know to drive a truck, go now. Life tells you this because it knows what blessings it has given you. And you do not want to leave, you are standing at the gate of the driving school and at all costs you want to drive the truck down the polygon – because, my God, you can do that, and the other one doesn’t. That story has expired and should go out of your life because it has achieved a purpose and prepared you for something much better.
Leave the comfort zone to realize how beautiful the universe is for you!
The point is that in the face of a crisis, you should feel careless as a child and believe that life is beautiful and that a higher power is benevolent to you. If you really believe in it, what is worth it, and it just went into crisis, will be refreshed through the crisis and have a fresh start. That’s for sure!